My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the liver wants what the liver wants
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
