She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
