Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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