She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
