i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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