Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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