True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just gift wrapped bread.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
