i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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