And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
