P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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