Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
