The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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