I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
