you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
