just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
