Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
