That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
