Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
