Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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