This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
