During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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