I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We smell like vodka and hangover
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