yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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