so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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