i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
