She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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