so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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