We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
