3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i drank out of a bidet.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
