do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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