If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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