so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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