When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
