There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
