dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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