Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
