How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
