I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
this is an emotional support booty call
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
