I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
