I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She bit a glass in half.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
