if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
