Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Threesome in a minivan. New low
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
