i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
