life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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