A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
