end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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