i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
