he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
