I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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