Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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