the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
